Staying In My Own Lane

Photo by Maksym Pozniak-Haraburda

Trusting In My Bravery

One of the hardest things for me to learn, was to stop giving advice to other people. When I saw someone going through a painful experience that was similar to something I had been through, I wanted to save them from the pain that I could see coming their way. I would talk to, and plead with them to listen to me. I had a bad habit of going into another person’s pain with them, especially people I was close to, loved, and cared for a lot. The need to help others was such a strong force in my life, and I was constantly wanting to protect others from making the same mistakes that I had made.

As a parent, it sometimes feels like my children go through experiences eerily similar to mine. I struggle not to spend time feeling shame and guilt over those things. My logical mind tells me that it is my fault they are going through that; a feeling that I have cursed them in some way, with poor choices I made in my past.

As I have put my time and energy into looking inside myself, I have been able to come out of fear, and move into the light of love. I can see things more clearly now that I am brave enough to believe it is not only okay to trust, but imperative for me to live a happy and peaceful life.

Even Bad Experiences Bring Blessings

One thing I now understand, is that no matter how similar an experience looks between me and someone else, it will never be the same. We are different people with a unique lens that we are each looking through. Different life experiences have brought us to where we are, and we experience things that will help us learn and grow as much as we choose to.

My similar experiences give me an opportunity to practice being loving and supportive to other people. I can be the person for them that I wished I would have had when I was going through my experience. I can be someone to listen, hug, and encourage them that believing in themselves, and their ability to navigate through the experience in the best way they feel is right for them. During the times when I did have a supportive person that helped me through my experience, I am honoring that person by being able to pay it forward.

Another blessing that comes from these experiences, is the opportunity I have to love myself, as I reflect on the lessons I learned. Because of these experiences, I am reminded to be thankful for the progress I have made.

Inward Focus Reaps Rewards

One of the biggest motivating factors for me in doing this work, is how my life experience has changed for the better since I began to shift my focus into putting my energy toward thinking, and talking about the things that I want. Focusing on the things that bring me joy instead of talking about my frustrations and fears, creates a positive forward momentum. What I put my energy into, gains momentum and becomes a stronger driving force in my life. I can see now, that when I go into another person’s pain with them, it builds the pain and keeps it going. I now understand that I can be there to love and support others in their hard times without joining them in the pain. I can be there to hold a loving space for them, a place where they can hopefully see that the pain doesn’t have to last forever, things can always get better.

I am grateful to have learned that I can only make choices for myself, and I am the only one that can change what is going on in my life. Focusing on myself is the best use of my time and energy. When something feels right for me, that is because it is. There is a lot of noise in the world that can distract me, but when I listen to my heart, it never leads me astray. A lot of people come along with judgments and opinions they are happy to share with me, that can be distracting. But, now I have a great support system that loves me unconditionally, it helps me to keep my focus on me.

A Tip That Has Helped Me:

Because I know I am sensitive to the energy of those around me and those that I have fostered connections with, I have learned it is important for me to spend time alone to recharge and to sort through the things I am feeling; to acknowledge what is mine and what is not. The more I do this, the easier it has become for me to recognize the difference between what is mine and what is not. This keeps me grounded and using my time and energy on my own personal journey.