I Choose Me
Photo by Thais Schmidt
Thinking Before Speaking
When I was attending a Human Resources training, the instructor cautioned us in the class about ever quoting someone. He said that when we quote someone, we are aligning ourselves with that person—everything they said, did and stood for. It knocked me back, the gravity of his statement. Then, he gave an example of a famous, uplifting quote that is quite popular, and proceeded to tell us about some other things this person said and did that were not so uplifting.
That is all I remember about the training; I can’t even tell you what exactly the theme of the training was, except that is was HR related. After that, I was afraid to speak about anyone, let alone quote something they said. How was I supposed to know what I could say or do, without misrepresenting myself, and the company I was working for at that time.
Flailing, Fumbling, And Finding My Way
As I have continued to learn and grow in my own personal journey, what I have learned from this has been two-fold for me. First, it helped me to start to understand the gravity of the words I speak, and the powerful affect they have. I have learned to be mindful of the words I choose to speak. I came to a greater awareness of just how carelessly I threw around words, and attached labels to myself. Whatever I put my energy into, is what creates the reality of the world I live in.
Endless resources, including books, movies, songs, shows, people, etc., that have come into my life, have helped me with my next steps all along the way. I attended this training at a time when I was very confused, and wasn’t sure that I knew much about anything. I was starting out on my personal spiritual journey, and had no clue what that meant. I left my lifelong religion, and felt how I imagine a newborn baby feels coming into this world; I felt forced out of the safety of my mother’s womb, into the bright and cold reality of this world. I was flailing around, wondering if anything would ever be okay again.
Understanding The Power Of Creation & Source
From the role of a Human Resource professional, I understand the message that the instructor was trying to impress upon us. It is about the balance between protecting the company, and the employees that work for the company. Personally, I know that when I quote another person, I am sharing something personal for me, and how it helped me—period, the end. I have learned that what another person hears or interprets from anything I say or do, has little to do with me, and everything to do with them, who they are, and the journey that they are on.
I believe that ultimately, we are all connected, because we are all part of the Creator; Source, which I believe is unadulterated Love. We are all creators. However, I also believe that we are all individual and unique pieces of Source. I love the song, ‘Top of the World’ by Karen Carpenter. Karen Carpenter shared her beautiful gift of singing with the world, that still lives on and uplifts my experience here.
Fear Is Not My Friend
To me, this song represents how I feel, now that I have learned to Love myself so much more than I ever have before. Working in Human Resources, much of that job was related to fear based rules and regulations; the fear of being sued for so much, fear of making sure there was a safe work environment, constant production, and all of the worries and fears that come along with it. This list of fears could go on forever. The fear of suicide has been my hardest fear to work through.
In my experience, when I spend my time and energy on thoughts of worry, the fear gains momentum and takes over my life experiences. It hasn’t been easy to learn and do, but it has made all the difference in my life, to keep my thoughts on things that bring me joy. As I have made this change, the love for myself, and living grows more all the time. I have learned that the greatest gift I can give myself is to look inside, and choose what is best for me. When I do this, I am living my best life as my best self, and that is how I live the life I am meant to live.
A Tip That Has Helped Me:
When I have a memory come into my mind that hits me hard or wants to take me to a place of pain, I make time to get quiet and sit with it. Instead of letting the long standing emotions that hold me hostage in my painful memories, I take the opportunity to step out of the experience as I tend to remember it and look at it as an objective third party. This helps me to understand some of the patterns I have developed to seemingly protect myself and / or demonize others. It is just another opportunity to offer forgiveness and grace to myself and others that I have painful memories with and remember that we are all doing the best that we know how to in every moment.
